Before you read this text, I invite you to sit upright, with your chest wide (not military-style tense, but so that you can breathe easily), your hands under the table, turned upwards and pressing against the tabletop with the ball of your hand, and preferably with a pencil between your teeth, the point facing away from you. Hold this position while reading. I will come back to this.
Taking space is a skill. It goes hand in hand with giving space. Only those who know and define their own space will be able to respond to what other people need, react to them and also set boundaries. It is a game and a constant balancing act. But what does that mean?
The exciting thing about space is that it is covered by actors as if with a hidden network, that it is a living system. Every movement changes the distance between people and objects and thus creates a different situation. Every posture - no matter how small - necessarily changes the space around us and within us. If I take up more space, someone else has less space, if I take up less, others have more. If I become "invisible", the other person can shine. This is so obvious that we don't normally think about it and it escapes our attention how much our perception changes and the constellation in the room changes. Obvious but not simple. Because in this realization lies a key to real encounters and real dialogue, to activating groups and developing leadership.
I would like to give another example from music. First of all, improvising in a group means that a group of musicians come together with their different instruments. They are experts. The art is now to compose music together. You soon realize that it's not about creating the "right notes" and harmonies, but about balancing the foreground and background or merging equal tones, playing off dissonances and so on. But the central point is always: if you don't play the background decisively, for example, you can't leave the foreground to anyone. The structure becomes unstable. When two people take the lead, they "negotiate": what does the music need right now?
Foreground and background also exist in conversations or meetings when I am facilitating or teaching. It is important to decide for yourself in specific situations, form an intention and then listen to the whole.
In meetings, it also makes a difference how I arrange the room (tables, chairs or online board) and how I position myself in the room. It makes a difference how I sit, whether I have the laptop in front of me, who is writing and whether I have the inner attitude: I am responsible, I have to do, I have to explain, I have to decide. Or: I ask, I listen, I have confidence that the group will sort it out. Accordingly, the people in the room will also adopt an attitude. Just as there is space. Or we take the same space - then we have to negotiate. Inner states are reflected in outer states and vice versa. Inner states influence how I hear and absorb things. They influence my scope for action - and therefore that of everyone else.
That's why it's super helpful to be very clear before and during situations about what my body is actually doing, where I'm tense, how my shoulders are etc. and how it would feel if I were to express appreciation to someone in a benevolent and relaxed way. Because that influences our ability to be truly benevolent. Of course, it is even better to explore and practise this in order to put yourself in the mind setting.
That brings me back to the beginning. Did you persevere? This "exercise" is borrowed from the article "Social Embodiment" by Lawrence Barsalou. The article provides an overview of how closely social and emotional concepts and cognitive performance and the body are interwoven and interact with each other. In our culture, hands turned upwards generally generate a positive mood ("uplifting"), the opening of the chest, attention, the sharpened pencil, focus.[i] Theoretically, every sentence of the blog will now stick in your memory. 😉 Or you have tension in your shoulders and neck - also a piece of information.
Be that as it may, it takes quite a high degree of self-awareness to know how I want to be there and how I am there at the moment. The good news - it's all practice and it's fun!
[i] cf. Lawrence Barsalou et.al. "Social Embodiment." The Psychology of Learning and Motivation: Advances in Research and Theory, vol. 43, Academic Press, 2003, pp.43-92 .
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